Guilt

I am sitting here thinking of something else to write about, something other than my kids..... It's not working. This is my life, they are my life 24/7, I will get to be selfish and do things for me again in about 4 years?? Doesn't matter, I love it! Most of it, this is what I am going to talk about.

I know with parenting comes a lot of guilt.... I never felt this way with my first, but then the twins come. I have a lot of guilt, about the time I don't get to spend with each of them, and lack of time with Sawyer. When Sawyer was a baby, I spend every moment with him and LOVED it! Watched him sleep, played with him, laid on the floor and talked to him, just spent a lot of one on one time. This time around it TOTALLY different, not only did I introduce one baby to him, but two :( so now mommy can't spend all her time with him, but either can daddy.

These babies have had a rough start and are still going through stuff. They cry all the time..... Peyton cries 90% of the day, and when I say cry I mean SCREAMS. Grayson is a little better. They both want to be held all the time and even that doesn't settle them. Sawyer often says "mommy put Peyton DOWN" poor guy.

So there is one guilt of mine, and then there is the fact that I can't spend the time I want with each of the twins, not like I did with one. Basically I try and feed and settle so I can tend to Sawyer or do the dishes, laundry, bottles etc. Then the last few days I have been on the verge of a mini meltdown ;(, I think all the screaming, and holding a baby is getting to me. I know it sounds great to hold a baby all day, but sometimes you want to go to the bathroom, lol, or eat once in the day!

The other day I was talking to my friend Jenny, and she said she wanted to take the babies overnight for me. So we took them to her yesterday and it was their first sleepover!!! Good news is I missed them, and so did Sawyer, he kept asking "mommy where babies?" and whining that he wanted them back. Jenny is an amazing friend who would do anything for us, she is one of the few people I would let have a sleepover with my babies....

We had a day with just Sawyer, we went out for dinner and went visiting. And best of all I slept through the night, I did wake a lot but I didn't get out of bed!!!! So nice! It is amazing how much more time I have.... we are going this morning to pick them up, hopefully she had a good night too! Thank you so much Jenny!!

That is all for now, hopefully I will be able to blog about something else soon.....CHRISTMAS!!